Speaking Engagement Coming Up

I'll be speaking at the monthly meeting of the Central Ohio Fiction Writers on 18 April 2009 at 2-4 pm. The topic is one of my favorites: Time Management for Real Writers. I try to make it fun, with some interactive elements. I always have a good time, and the audiences seem to get something from it, too. I'm not sure where this particular meeting will be held. They're usually in area libraries, but I don't know which one yet. When I know, you'll know, and if you're a member or guest, I'm looking forward to meeting you there.

The fifth commandment

Can you say the words fourth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth? Of course you can. But you may stumble over the word fifth. If this word is an issue for you, you have lots of company. Newscasters, business executives, and salespeople are among those I've heard mispronounce it in just the last few weeks.

The key to pronouncing fifth correctly is to sound every letter in the word. If you don't pronounce the second f, the word comes out fith, which is wrong; if you neglect the full th sound, you get fift, which isn't right either. So just say fif, and then add th, and you'll be on the side of the angels. And you'll sound smart when you talk about that famous Beethoven symphony.

Another spineless euphemism

In my book Talking Your Way to the Top, I feature several pages of euphemisms I consider linguistically dishonest, such as calling a body bag a transfer tube or referring to dead civilians as collateral damage. I just read a new one this morning in The New York Times. It's yet one more way to refer to firing people. "We're going to rebalance our organization." So go ahead and add "rebalance" to all the other words we now use to mean getting rid of employees: adjust the workforce, dehire, deselect, reduce in force, reduce the census, downsize, outplace, rightsize, terminate, shorten the path to profitability--and don't forget involuntary employee attrition and negative employee retention.

Each of them means you're out of a job, and each one is a crock of unadulterated buzzspeak cooked up to evade the truth and avoid the responsibility. Where is George Carlin when we need him?

Sometimes a great oops just lands in your lap

Working away today when I came across this terrific sentence: "The college is in a small town, complete with tree-lined streets where students can pursue their studies." Oh, my! Isn't it dangerous what with all that pesky oncoming traffic? How can they possibly study while they're dodging all those Hondas and SUVs?

This particular example came from a very respected Web site, which just goes to show that even the best can forget to proofread for meaning as well as grammar, usage, and punctuation. Misplaced modifiers get you every time.

Some grammar simplified

Yesterday in a doctor's office, I read about some pain management techniques that the brochure said would "subside" my discomfort. Later, I heard a colleague describing how his company had "migrated" all its computers to a new operating system.

But here's a flash. Both migrate and subside are intransitive verbs. In other words, they never have a object. And in even more other words, things subside or migrate all by themselves; you can't subside or migrate them.

So the good doctor's techniques would not subside my pain, but would cause it to subside.

The second example, migrating computers from place to place, is more problematic because the verb itself, besides being intransitive, is just not a good description of the process. It might be better to say something such as, "Our computers are now running all new programs," or "We replaced our operating system with something that's more useful for our purposes."

Those examples are simpler, make more sense, and don't require tortured grammar. And, as Martha would say, those are all good things.

Getting the writing right

As I mentioned yesterday, proofreading and fact checking are as much a part of the writing process as getting the words down in the first place. And if you don't believe that, it can cost you dearly.

Several years ago, I struggled through a stack of résumés and writing samples from people who were applying for a communications job with my small company. I wouldn't have hired a one of them because of the many careless mistakes I found throughout the documents. Remember, I'd asked for these samples because I wanted to hire someone, that is, give him or her a job. For money. If those who applied were serious about wanting the position, the work products they submitted should have been the best of which they were capable. The results made me fear for the entire state of business communication.

One mentioned her great success in pubic relations. Public is a word you should check and re-check because omission of the letter "L" is common, never caught by spell check, and always embarrassing. I was advertising for a writer, after all, not a lap dancer.

Another discussed how enthusiastic he was about the possibility of working for my company—The Stevens/St. John Company—but unfortunately he called it the John Stevens Company.

The third misspelled her own name. I'm not making this up.

Unfortunately, these aren't isolated cases. Business writing in general continues to be atrocious. Writing is a precise business. Nuance matters. Style matters. Usage and grammar matter. Ditto for facts and data. But when I see what comes from independent communications professionals, communications departments, and even executive suites, I shudder.

However, now we're in a tight labor market. There are many, many communicators on the street. A minority of them are talented, skilled, and willing to pay attention to doing it right. They will get the few jobs that are available. Those who don't want to be bothered will be pounding the pavement until the economy picks up again. If you want to be in the first group, get down to business.

5 big proofreading mistakes

Whether you're writing for publication or business--or both--don't send out your first draft. Even the most seasoned writers make mistakes. I've found them on my own blog posts--and hit myself in the forehead for them. Many errors can be eliminated by careful proofreading. Here are some things to do to begin the correction process.

• Read headlines and subheads. You'll be surprised at how many mistakes you might find there. I once sent out an $11K print job with a headline that had the word "Suprise" in it--in bright teal type. Of course, I meant "Surprise."
• Watch for word substitutions. For example, look out for their if you mean they're, then if you mean than, or who's if you mean whose.
• Root out wrong word choices, such as laying for lying, insure for ensure, or compliment for complement. All of these are commonly misused.
• Check your punctuation, particularly apostrophes and plurals. It's men's room, not mens' room. It's children's clothing, not childrens'. Be careful when it comes to the word it's. It's means it is or it has (It's my party, or It's been a long time ...); its means belonging to it (Its special features include ...). There is no such word as its'. Don't even think about it.
• Use your dictionary to make sure your spelling is correct. Just today, I received an e-mail with a great example of this simple rule. A restaurant posted a sign saying it was closed because the kitchen was out of meet. Oh, come on.

To get it right, you have to proofread several times. Different proofreaders have different styles, but some read once for headlines, subheads, and pull quotes only; once for street addresses, phone numbers, e-mail and web addresses, and other factual data; once more for numbers, figures, and page numbers; again for missing or repeated words or letters, and spacing errors; again for spelling; and finally for sense. Although that may seem like far too much work, proofreading goes quickly when you read for one thing at a time rather than trying to catch every kind of error during a more global look-see.

Paying attention will make your writing more polished and professional.