What's wrong with this sentence?

"Fluent in four languages, her skills are impeccable."

If you've been following this blog, you know we're dealing here with a misplaced modifier. The sentence says that her skills are fluent in four languages. It's possible that the woman herself is fluent in none. Let's try, "Fluent in four languages, she also has impeccable skills."

Always put modifiers as close as possible to the words they modify. In the original sentence, the pronoun the modifier refers is missing altogether. No wonder the whole thing sounds peculiar.

Beware that modifier

As we head into a long weekend, it's good just to have fun. My son-in-law shared this interesting radio commercial with me after his most recent trip to CA. I don't have it verbatim, but it asks the fascinating question, "Why is it so hard to find a plumber who will fix your sink over the phone?" My guess is that the plumber would have to come to the sink and bring tools to get the job done. It's hard to accomplish a repair like that over the phone.

Someone wrote that ad, but worse, someone paid for it. Pity.

Some grammar simplified

Yesterday in a doctor's office, I read about some pain management techniques that the brochure said would "subside" my discomfort. Later, I heard a colleague describing how his company had "migrated" all its computers to a new operating system.

But here's a flash. Both migrate and subside are intransitive verbs. In other words, they never have a object. And in even more other words, things subside or migrate all by themselves; you can't subside or migrate them.

So the good doctor's techniques would not subside my pain, but would cause it to subside.

The second example, migrating computers from place to place, is more problematic because the verb itself, besides being intransitive, is just not a good description of the process. It might be better to say something such as, "Our computers are now running all new programs," or "We replaced our operating system with something that's more useful for our purposes."

Those examples are simpler, make more sense, and don't require tortured grammar. And, as Martha would say, those are all good things.

A change in direction

As of today, I'm writing two blogs. The newer one, The Grammar Granny (http://grammargranny.blogspot.com), will deal with grammar and usage issues I've sometimes covered in this space. This blog now will be devoted to issues about writing, publishing, the state of English today, and other more philosophical topics. I'll still throw in those goofy turns of phrase I hear so often, but if it's straight grammar and usage that interest you, try The Grammar Granny.

Hope to see and hear from you in both places.

Scott McClellan's mistake

And I don't mean being press secretary to George Bush. I mean what I heard him say this morning while being interviewed about his new book What Happened. When speaking of President Bush, McClellan mentioned the great respect he held "for he [Bush] and his advisors."

No, Scott. For is a preposition. Correct usage dictates a prepositional object: "for him and his advisors." I don't think you ever would have said you had great respect for he, so, as I just said in a blog post a few days ago (which I guess you didn't read), if you wouldn't say it in the singular, don't say it in the plural either.

Is this mistake up there with some of the doozies of the past few years? Of course not, but it's the kind of error a former White House press secretary shouldn't make.

"Lay" and "lie." Why is this so hard?

I've resisted writing this post for a long time, but when I heard a colleague say that she had "lied in the sun," and she didn't mean she was outside telling an untruth, I figured it was time. This word pair is the one that is most often messed up, and myths abound about which is right and in what context.

I recently heard a radio call-in argument about the subject, and the host obviously had no idea which was correct. When a caller said that "things lay and people lie," the host said that was good enough for him and closed the discussion. How unfortunate that the caller was wrong. Things lie all the time. And people lay things. So let's start at the top.

Lay means "to put or place on a surface" and always requires an object--something put or placed. For example:

• I'll lay these reports (object) on the credenza in your office.
• When you've finished, lay your test booklets (object) in the box by the door.

If you use lay, you have to lay something. That's why, "I'm going to lay down for a while" is incorrect. There's nothing put or placed. However, "Now I lay me down to sleep" is correct because there's an object: me. However, in most cases we don't say, "I'm going to lay myself down," so lie is the correct word.

Lie means "to recline" or "to be positioned," and it doesn't take an object.

• Sue has to lie down in a dark room when she has a migraine.
• At this time of day, the sun lies just below the horizon.

When you want to talk about what happened in the past, the proper words are laid and lay.

• I laid the sweater (object) on the chair a couple of hours ago.
• Joe laid the report (object) on my credenza last week, but I can't find it.
• Sue lay down until her headache went away.
• The reports lay on the credenza for a month before anyone got around to reading them.

And the past participle (don't worry about the name; this isn't a grammar test) of these two words are laid and lain.

• I've laid the reports (object) on your credenza.
• I'd lain down for only a couple of minutes when the phone rang.

The present participle forms (the -ing form) are laying and lying.

• I'm laying tile (object) this morning.
• Don't call after noon. I'll be lying down. Tile work is exhausting.

The same rules apply to set/sit and raise/rise.

Set and raise always require an object. Sit and rise never have an object. For some reason, people don't have quite as much difficulty with these two as they do with lay/lie, although in my neck of the woods, I often hear, "Set down and make yourself comfortable." Here's how to use these word pairs.

• Please set the plant (object) in the corner.
• Please sit down.
• We'll raise the flag (object) at dawn.
• Please rise for the national anthem.

Because these words are misused so often, saying and writing them correctly may feel odd at first. Persevere. It's OK to be right.

The next few posts

Colleagues around my office have been asking me a lot of usage questions lately, so I think I'll address some of them.

Let's start with pronouns.

Which is correct?

• Give the report to she and her boss.
• Give the report to her and her boss.

If you answered "she and her boss," you're making a mistake that's more and more common. No matter how common, however, it's wrong. It's a big, honking mistake, and you run the risk of sounding, how shall I put it, less capable than you probably are.

Without getting into the grammar of the situation, which involves the use of objective and subjective pronouns--and that can be a yawn--let's just look at the way to solve the problem.

Would you say, "Give the papers to she"? Probably not. Then don't say "she and her boss." If you wouldn't say it in the singular, don't say it in the plural.

Let's try another.

• Her and I are going skiing.
• She and I are going skiing.

Same test. Would you say "Her is going skiing"? No. So don't say it just because the subject is plural. I repeat, if you wouldn't say it in the singular, don't say it in the plural.

Simple. Here's a little rhyme to help you remember:

"When plural pronouns give you doubt.

Take one away; then try it out."

You'll speak and write more confidently--today.