Jargon rears its ugly head ...

... but it's funny. One of my henchmen recently ran across a site that touts its new software as very useful for "backupping." Oh, come on. There's a perfectly good phrase--backing up--that has served several generations of technology users. What's the point of a word like "backupping"? It's ugly, doesn't work, and makes the perpetrator of the phrase look silly.

Another of my spies has found a perfectly lovely misplaced modifier that made me laugh:

"His last billed part was in 1956, though he appeared in an uncredited bit part after his death." I'll bet his performance was a little stiff, though.

I found another in a publication I'd been asked to work on:

"This set of instructional materials is very useful for teachers with children." But what about childless teachers? Might they find the materials helpful in their classrooms, too?

These are cute little object lessons that illuminate a bigger point. In careful speaking and writing, the details matter. Really. Read. And then read again.

Web site up

My new Web site, www.midwestbookdocs. is finally up. I haven't optimized it yet, and there's lots of work to do, but it's out there, and if you want to find out what we do at Midwest Book Doctors or get in touch with us, this is the place to go for all the information.

I built the Web site with products from Go Daddy (www.godaddy.com.) The process was very easy and relatively quick. Most of my time was spent troubleshooting my own mistakes, not bugs of any kind. If you can't or won't pay a Web designer and you don't need many bells and whistles, this is a great alternative.

Recently, I've seen an uptick in mistakes in the word pair respectfully/respectively. Let's straighten it out. Respectfully means "with respect," while respectively means "in the order mentioned."

For example, "I took English 101, 102, and 103, with Professors Jones, Smith, and Brown respectively. " And, "All members of the staff should treat one another respectfully."

I'm in the process of proposing another book. I'll let you know where it leads.

A friend's success

About three years ago, I met a very nice woman at a writers' conference and we fell into conversation about the novel she was working on. I read the first chapter and liked what I saw.

Now that novel has been published, and I was able to pick up a copy lately. It's called Wish Club. The author is Kim Strickland. I recommend it to you. What a treat when someone you know succeeds at such a tough thing! And Kim really has. Go buy it and find out what happens to Jill and Mara and Claudia and the other members of their book club. You'll have a fine time. I guarantee it.

The upsides of writing a book

Yesterday my Google alert let me know that there was a nice mention of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Difficult Conversations http://us.penguingroup.com/ in a blog called 3rd Eye http://3deye.blogspot.com. It was nice to read that the writer of the blog had used the book three times in two weeks to prepare for conversations--and that it had apparently been useful.

Later in the week, two media opportunities came across my desk, and I'll be taking advantage of those. Then two speaking opportunties. I'm expecting a workshop to happen in the winter as well. All related to the Idiot's Guide.

Which points up something about a writing career--and that's the fact that it is a career. Some wonderfully successful writers don't tour, don't speak very often, and don't do many interviews. Their lives go on smoothly without their promoting themselves. A Grisham can spend his time writing, and his books will sell, but most of the rest of us have to toggle between writing and promotional activities, and if we shy away from that aspect of our careers, our books don't sell very well. That makes publishers less likely to take a chance on us again.

You can't count on the publishing house to make you a star, although some of the smaller houses do a wonderful job of promoting their authors, especially within specific niches. The subject matter expert for one of the books I wrote is beginning to do a lot of keynote speaking in her area of expertise at state and national gatherings, and most of those engagements have been dreamed up and promoted by the small independent house who published us. Another author I know who was published by a relatively smaller press has been promoted extensively by the house, and it has paid off brilliantly.

The author of one of my book doctoring projects is self-publishing, but he wants to see sales, so he has engaged a very fine publicist--and that author is going to get out there.

So should you. If you're considering becoming a writer, think of the totality of the career and make time for it. As I've said before, mastering the craft is the most important thing you can do, but don't forget the rest.

Welcome back

I knew I'd been away for a while, but it's been longer than I thought. I've been working on a book concept of my own and helping another author to finish a book he's been refining for nearly four years. The finish line is in sight! And since I have a day job, too, it's been a busy time.

During the time I've not been blogging, some people have sent me a few items I thought were funny or interesting.

1) A former business partner shared a media release that indicated a company's business was growing by "leaps and bounce." It's an interesting picture, but of course, what he meant was leaps and bounds. It like the expression for "for all intensive purposes." Funny to some, annoying to others.

2) Another friend pointed out that we don't buy things on the Internet. We buy things on the World Wide Web. The Internet is the architecture and the Web uses that infrastructure for commercial purposes. A distinction worth preserving.

3) And please, please, can we drop the expression "honed in"? To hone is to sharpen, as in "honing her skills." But to close in on a target, which is what most people mean when they say honed in, should properly be "homed in." It's related to homing devices and other things that guide people toward specific locations. Have you ever heard of a "honing pigeon"? Didn't think so, but the misuse of honed in is becoming overwhelming, and it's one of those things that isn't a result of language change or stylistic preference. It's just wrong.

The perils of the English blog

So people tell me they read this blog because it helps them learn about writing and how to use English with greater precision. And then I write, as I did in the last post, about making a "statment." Which proves only that everyone, without exception, needs an editor. Sigh....

The First Amendment v. obnoxious

The Kathy Griffin statement at the Emmys has certainly stirred up a hornets' nest. Because millions of Americans have died for her right to say whatever she darn pleases, I have to defend the First Amendment here. However, was it offensive to hundreds of thousands of people? Of course. Was it offensive to me? Yes. But she's been offensive before, and in fact, that's been her stock in trade. Why should anyone be surprised? Her act has always been foul-mouthed, and sometimes she goes over the edge. In my opinion, this particular speech was way past the edge. It was tasteless, uncivil, rude, uncouth, vulgar, and loutish. And I think it probably hurt some of her other causes.

It seems disingenous to me for a bemused Kathy to ask if she's the only Catholic left with a sense of humor. She had to know that her statment would create a firestorm. She's a writer. She knows the power of words.

But will I demand that she be muzzled, thrown off the air, ridden out of town, and forced to make a public apology because she said something that was personally repugnant to me? Nope. If I find her speech offensive, I don't have to listen to it. My TV can be turned off as well as on. America is still the land of the free, and that's good for all of us. Let's not make Kathy Griffin our very own Salman Rushdie.

A common mistake

One of the books I've written is called Talking Your Way to the Top: Business English that Works (http://www.prometheusbooks.com). The book contains several sections on mispronunciations, confused word pairs, buzzwords, euphemisms, jargon, and other mistakes that keep business English from being as clear as it might be. We're butchering the language daily, and it makes us sound pretentious and silly at the same time. Here's one I've heard frequently, the last time from a banker, who really should know better:

Promissary. Come on, Ms. Banker, the word is promissory. Remember that this word means a promise to pay money. One o in promise + one o in money = two o's in promissory. Now, wasn't that easy?

New publication

And now for unabashed self-promotion. My newest book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Difficult Conversations (Alpha Books, http://us.penguingroup.com) has been released. I've written several books, but this ranks up there with my favorites. The experience of writing it was challenging and fun, but there was also the delight of working with the group of people who produced it. Publishing can be fraught with opportunities for conflict (although I've had only momentary issues with any publisher), but this group was especially professional and kind. I hope the book will be helpful and that readers enjoy it.

Check it out.

Don't be touchy

As I've mentioned, I'm a book doctor. Writers who want to publish hire me to work on their manuscripts. Some just want to make sure all the commas are in the right places. Others want me to critique the entire manuscript to one degree or another. Some want me to go line by line and rewrite, correct, fact check, point out inconsistencies, and really vet their work. Other just want me to read the whole book to see if I think it's publishable in its current form.

If you're thinking of hiring a book doctor like me, please check your ego at the door. Book doctors (at least the reputable ones) are professionals who tell you the truth. They can't ethically take your money otherwise. I mentioned a few posts back that you can't ask your mother or your best friend for an honest assessment of your work because they don't want to hurt your feelings--and they may also truly believe that you've written the Great American Novel.

The book doctor will assess plot, pacing, characterization, dialogue. He or she will highlight point of view shifts, name changes, anachronisms, and other things you might not see because you're too close to the book. In nonfiction, the book doctor looks for holes in your arguments, inaccurate conclusions, misquotations, and other factual errors. In both cases, he or she will make suggestions regarding mechanics and style.


If you're working with a good, honest book doctor who calls these things to your attention, here's what to do:

• Fix them.

Here's what not to do:

• Pout and/or cry.
• Say, "You just don't understand my work."
• Get angry.
• Become defensive and argue every minuscule point.
• Withhold payment.

The person you've hired has done what you hired him or her to do. Would you cry if your plumber said you needed a new part for your sink? (Well, maybe if it's a really expensive part.) But you understand what I'm saying. This is a professional encounter for which you are paying. Would you want your professional partner just to blow sunshine up your skirt? And then let you be embarrassed when an agent or editor says what you've turned in is substandard? If you can't take honest criticism that will greatly improve your project, don't ask for it.

A few words about the hyphen

Here are some types of sentences I'm seeing more and more:

• Let's kick-off the school year in style.
• Please drop-in to see our new offices.
• Sign-up today for the parents' group.

The problem with these sentences is that they misuse hyphens. You can hyphenate the two words if you're using them as an adjective modifying a noun or pronoun, but you shouldn't when they're being used as a verb.

For example:

• We're having a drop-in event so everyone can see the new offices. (drop-in modifies event)
• Here's the sign-up sheet for the parents' group. (sign-up modifies sheet)
• The kick-off (or kickoff) time is 2:00 (kick-off modifies time)

The world will not spin out of its orbit if you use hyphens improperly, but doing it right is the sign of a careful writer.

Conference over

The 15th annual Columbus Writers Conference, which I mentioned several posts ago, is history, and I have to send kudos to the conference's Fearless Leader, Angela Palazzolo, and her crew of dedicated volunteers (and paid staff, too), who do such a great job of moving everything along so smoothly. I've attended a few conferences in my time, and this one truly is one of the best. And this year, the best was even better. The speakers were terrific and very welcoming and helpful to those who attended.

It was a packed two days--and a bit tiring, especially for the staff members who were up all night--but their hard work really paid off. Many of the presenters commented about how much they love this conference because they are treated so well and also because Angela leaves nothing to chance.

Good show, folks!

And now a word to the attendees, who also were wonderful, because if the crowd isn't into it, the whole thing can be a little flat. This group was really into it--active, involved, asking questions, talking to each other and the presenters.

Nonetheless, just a bit of advice. While it's important to know the business of publishing--marketing and promoting, pitching and contracting, the first thing to do is to write the best work you possibly can. Read lots of books, not just about how to find an agent or a publisher or how to write a dynamite query letter (although those things are useful and necessary during your career), but also about the art and craft of writing. All that knowledge about the publishing industry won't help you much if your book isn't any good. Find your voice, try on different points of view, choose and polish your words until you really believe you can't do any more or any better. Let the rest take care of itself at the right time.

And don't believe your mother, your sister, or your friends about the quality of your work. No matter how candid they try to be, they love you, and they will not tell you the whole truth. Find a critique group made up of writers who are serious about craft or pay someone for a professional assessment. Find out what the unbiased observer has to say. Writing well is a great deal harder than it looks. It's a lifelong quest to be an outstanding writer. Take your time.

Why fiction?

In my last post, I talked about writing what you know. In a similar vein, it helps to write how you know. In the past year, I've had several clients who are terrific experts in their fields, and their book ideas might sell as nonfiction. However, they've made the decision to use those ideas as the basis for novels.

This decision demands that they know how to construct a plot, develop believable characters, write dialogue, and master myriad other large and small details. It's hard, exacting work to craft a novel.

Although nonfiction writing, such as biography, also must be compelling, fiction has to be even more finely drawn, since the reader has no background knowledge of the characters or the events that unfold in the novel.

I suppose there are natural talents out there who can, with no training except years of reading, sit down and crank out a wonderful novel. I have to believe those people are rare. Writing is like any other art; even the greatest painters and musicians studied with someone before venturing out to find a commission or perform their first concert. Or they spent a lot of time with other artists and musicians, working together and honing their skills.

People will accept the idea that painting and music are talents that must be nurtured; they are somewhat less willing to accept that same idea about writing fiction. After all, didn't we all struggle through high school English? Can't we all write? No. At least not at the level required for professionalism. So, if you're serious about wanting a career in fiction, you have to read, read, read, and study with those who have mastered the art. Go to conferences, take classes, join a good critique group. Learn again. And again.

What You Know

A fair number of manuscripts cross my desk every year, and frankly, most of them have serious flaws. Not necessarily unfixable, but things that will take a good deal of work to correct. The most common problem I see is manuscripts in which the leading character works in a profession the writer knows nothing about. It rings false and readers know it.

Recently, I looked over a manuscript in which the main character was a television reporter. The writer had never been part of local news; in fact, he'd never even visited a newsroom. His next-door-neighbor had some passing acquaintance with the field, and she read the author's manuscript. However, because the neighbor was not an expert either, she missed some glaring errors.

In another case, the main character was an opera singer. The author knew virtually nothing about opera. She used a great many "opera" terms, but they were words I'd certainly never heard. I looked them up and couldn't find them. When I asked the author about them, she confessed that she'd made them up. Can't do that--unless you're writing a fantasy and the opera singer lives in another galaxy. But then you have a whole new series of issues.

Of course, no author starts out as an expert in every field, but if you're not conversant with a profession, either recast your character or become an expert. There are many opera singers, reporters, forensics experts, police officers, ballerinas, dog catchers, doctors, potters, politcal operatives, and teachers who would be happy to share what they know about their professions. Read everything you can, too. Have fun increasing your knowledge. That's one of the joys of writing. You get to learn as you go. What could be better than that?

Take a chance

The Columbus Writer's Conference http://www.creativevista.com comes around near the end of the month. I'm always pretty active in the conference and enjoy other conferences as well, both as a participant and sometimes as a speaker. If you have designs on a writing career, an excellent conference, such as this one, is a good place to start. You'll meet other writers, hear workshops on craft and business, and have the opportunity to meet agents and editors. My agent and I met at a conference nearly 15 years ago, but didn't begin our author-agent relationship until 2003. Some things take time to develop.

While you may not place your book at a conference (although some people have), you make valuable contacts and begin to build a network not only of people who can help you, but also of people who have interests similar to yours. Writing can be a solitary life, and it helps to get out and rub elbows with those who are like you. These are the people who understand writer's block and rejection, and they can sympathize like no one else. And when you sell something, these are the people who are happiest for you.

If you're a neophyte writer, don't be afraid of coming to a conference for fear that everyone there is some well-known published author. Some attendees have published a lot, some have self-published, some have never published at all. It doesn't matter. You can ask any question you want to without looking foolish. People aren't there to judge you or your work. This is especially true of the professionals. They've heard every pitch, seen every kind of author, and read every kind of book, but they are usually very courteous and interested in what you have to say. Of course, they are honest about whatever your project is, but that's their function. If they aren't terribly encouraging, don't take it personally or get defensive. Use what they say to improve your book.

In short, go. You'll learn something and you'll probably have a great time.

New buzz

It seems the most recent buzz word is on the ground. I think this usage began with troops who were on the ground in specific war zones, and that makes some sense. But now everyone's on the ground, from rescue workers to school teachers.

I also predict a rise in the use of nascent. There are many things in this world that are nascent, to be sure, but the word hasn't been used much. I think it's coming on, though, and probably will enter overuse status within a few months.

I've also seen a peculiar blip in a redundancy: share in common. I seem to be hearing and reading it often lately, and it grates. We either have something in common or we share an interest in something, but we don't need to share it in common.

I find the rise and fall of words very interesting and would love it if you'd share (but not in common) the buzzwords you see looming on the horizon.

The first rule of being a writer

I sometimes speak at writers' conferences--something I really enjoy doing--and one of the topics I often cover is time management for writers. My first book was about time management, and I've always felt it was an important topic because ultimately time management is really life management. It's not about color-coding your files; it's about deciding what's important, making a commitment to it, and dumping the low-value tasks that don't move you toward your goal.

For would-be writers, I think the first rule is to identify yourself as a writer. When you meet someone new and he or she asks you what you do, answer boldly, "I'm a writer." If you say, "I'm an office manager (or a salesperson or whatever), but I dabble in writing a little," you'll always put the other identity first. Something will always come up to get in the way of your writing. Get your writing identity up front. "I'm a writer who masquerades as an office manager." If writing is your dream, claim it and create the reality.

And don't be abashed by the next question, which is "Published?" If you haven't been, your answer should be, "Not yet."

And then go out and learn as much as you can, read as much as you can, and write as much as you can. You'll never see a byline or your name on a book if you don't try, and you won't try if you don't think of yourself as a writer first.

So You Want to Write a Book

Years ago, I heard a Very Famous Author, one of my favorites, speak at a conference. She said she was once at a Very Flossy Party, where she struck up a conversation with a Very Important Brain Surgeon. When he asked what she did, she said she was an author (by then, she'd written a bunch of best sellers). His response was, "Oh, I'm going to write a book someday, too, when I have time." She fired back, "I'm going to take up brain surgery when I have time."

I applauded her remark because I've heard the same thing so often. There is apparently a belief out there that anyone can write a book if he or she has time to do it. Well, the truth is that most people who write books don't have the time to do it (until they, too, become Very Famous Authors and don't have to clean their own houses anymore). They write for a couple of hours a day while they also take care of their children and go to their day jobs. They get up at ungodly times to write before they begin the morning commute. They write in their cars while they wait for the kids at lacrosse practice or scribble a few lines at the laundromat. They write during their lunch hours. They write on envelopes or in little notebooks.

Writing isn't a matter of having time and a perfect writing environment; it's a matter of having something to say and the discipline to get it down in whatever bits and pieces of time you have. And then spending months rewriting and polishing. And then having your book rejected. It's work, not a hobby. I often tell clients that writing a book is like digging a ditch with a teaspoon. It's exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes exhilarating.

It also takes a modicum of talent and the willingness to get out there and meet agents and editors and other writers and to learn something about both the art and business of publishing.

So when you meet a writer at a cocktail party, remember this: He probably can't do your job--but you probably can't do his either.

Can You Read This?

I'm still at it--trying to find corporate Web sites that speak English instead of flabspeak, that curious combination of buzzwords and euphemisms that confuses readers who might want to to know what it is the company actually does. Such sites are hard to find, and in my journeys I ran across one that I believe demonstrates exactly what a site shouldn't do. I won't tell you the name of the company, but here are a few gems from their attempt to communicate.

The company employs a client-proximity method, which I believe means they have a lot of offices in various countries, which makes it easy for them to be in touch with their clients.

It has a client-facing approach, which seems to mean that the company puts its clients' interests first. This word must be the replacement for client-centric, but it's not an improvement.

Ah, now we've hit the mother lode. The company is going to carry out some acquisitions that will ensure accretiveness to net profits. Now, let's see. Accretive means to grow by accretion, but if even Google can't find a definition for accretiveness, I have to believe it's a made-up boardroom word someone thought was as impressive as all get out. What it appears to mean is that the acquisitions will add small amounts to the bottom line, which I assume will make it healthier, but that's anybody's guess. This word is nothing but a waste of air, and plowing through all this verbiage is just too much work.

Another definition for accretion is an accumulation of dust and gas into larger bodies, such as planets. An accumulation of dust and gas? In this case, you bet.

Unlikely tutors

If you're a writer who consistently struggles to find the apt comparison or the surprising, yet just-right phrase, you need to hang out with kids more often. Children, who are free of the censor that sometimes plagues adult writers, can toss off just what you're looking for without even thinking about it.

I'm lucky enough to have grandchildren, so I have a built-in writers' workshop. And when the kids talk, I listen, and I often write it down. Here are a few I especially like.

Several years ago, I was driving the oldest grandboy, then 3, home from Vacation Bible School. In his hands he held two polished rocks that he rubbed together until they squeaked. "Listen," he said. "That's how frogs sound when they laugh." First of all, I was unaware of frog humor, and second, I'd never considered the sound they might make as they giggled among the lily pads. But he knew, and I was so glad he shared his knowledge with me.

Later that week, this same child told me that when Jesus died, he was buried in a petunia in a garden. "I think you mean in a tomb," I said. He looked at me earnestly and said, "Oh, no, Gigi, it was a petunia. That's what grows in gardens." I have to say, the image appeals to me.

My youngest grandson, who's 4, now has the title of resident wordsmith. Over the years, he's told me that:

• Crescent-shaped ice cubes are "moons of water."
  
• A tiny spit bubble is a "mouth tear."
  
• A mustache is, naturally, "a nose beard."
  
• Kix are "Cheerios with no holes."
  

And one of my particular favorites, when describing his mommy's eyebrows; "They're just like rainbows except they're black and they don't have any colors."

They see it. They say it. And sometimes it's brilliant. Grown-up writers could take a lesson.

The Doctor is In

People often ask me what a book doctor does. It can be a confusing term, since some "book doctors" repair or rebind books, and I wouldn't know where to start to do that. My line of work is to critique manuscripts that writers want to get ready for representation or publication. The hardest part of the job isn't the mechanics of pulling a manuscript apart; it's hurting writers' feelings.

One of my favorite books is Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird; in it, she warns writers to stay away from those who are cruel in their assessment of someone's work. And she's right. So I try not to be cruel, and I try to find what's good in any manuscript I receive. I remind writers that my opinion is just one of many. I'm only an editor; I leave all-knowingness to God. All critique is subjective. What I don't like another editor might love. I try to give an honest, kind reaction to the book's various strengths and weaknesses as I see them. Since I've had plenty of my own work rejected, I know how it feels. Pouring cold water on someone's hopes is not what I want to do.

Still, I'm sometimes surprised at what people will send for critique: Books that are full of grammatical errors, misspellings, typos, and other types of carelessness that tell me perhaps I care more about the book than the author does. So here's a little tip. If you're going to send a manuscript to anyone--editor, agent, or publisher--you be kind, too. Make sure that what you send is the best you can possibly make it at the time. That means taking care of the details as well as the big picture. It's hard for a reader to see that bigger picture when he or she is being bogged down by slipshod execution. Give it your best shot. And I will, too.

Buzz costs time and money

I've been reading the annual reports of public companies these days, and I'm thinking of creating an award for corporate communicators who can write an entire business document that doesn't contain the word leverage (as a verb) or solution (where no problem has been identified)--or the truly awful solution as a verb: "We'll solution that issue after lunch."



If American business isn't competing as well as it once was, one of the reasons may be that American business can't communicate as well as it once did. Oh, we're wired, all right, and we're in constant contact, but that means only that words are flowing. It doesn't mean we're communicating. We're so busy working the latest buzzwords into our conversation, we've forgotten that words are supposed to move ideas from one brain to another, not waste our brain power as we try to decipher what our colleague just said.



My new favorite is landed on, which appears to mean something we decided or agreed to: "This is the design we landed on."



Yes, I know language changes; ginormous has just been added to the lexicon, after all, but too often business buzzwords are nothing more than attempts to create an in-group--a linguistic cool kids' table. But if we're to compete successfully, we need to leave adolescence behind and work together. Dropping the buzzwords would be a good first step.