A pair of troublesome word pairs

It seems I'm picking on professors lately. That's not my intent, but they're interviewed a lot on public radio, which I listen to during my half-hour commute to work. I heard a gaffe from one recently that surprised me; since then, though, I've heard it several more times (it's funny how these things seem to come in waves). The professor was talking about the weather and referred to "climactic" conditions.

Sorry, professor, but thanks for playing. The word he was looking for was "climatic," which means pertaining to climate. "Climactic" would, of course, mean pertaining to a climax. For example:

• The environmentalists were concerned about several recent climatic changes.
• John was late and missed the climactic moment of the play.

And one more. Could we please, please distinguish between "serve" and "service"?

"To serve" means to meet the needs of another, such as a customer.

"To service" means to maintain. It also can mean to bring a stud to a female for breeding.

So whenever I hear, "We service our customers, " I wonder if perhaps the company might be going a bit too far. A simple handshake is probably all that's necessary.

I guess someone thought that "serve" was too pedestrian and "service" more high-toned and elegant. But, in fact, "serve" serves just fine.

Be a better writer 1

I've been observing a recent trend, and I can't imagine how it started. I'm referring to placing a comma before the verb in a simple sentence. Here are a couple of examples ripped from the headlines, as they say. Actually, they're from big websites, the authors of which should know better.

• This recipe, makes 24 servings as an appetizer.
• The author's background, qualifies her to write with authority about this subject.

Huh? There's no need for a comma in either of these sentences. If there were some explanatory details between the subject and verb, a comma might be necessary. For example:

• This recipe, which came from my aunt's cookbook, makes 24 servings.
• The author's background, which includes 15 years as a gynecologist, qualifies her to write with authority.

I think writers do this because they aren't sure what the rules for commas are. They scatter them like snow throughout a piece of writing; the result is often a mess that's hard to read and harder still to understand.

The rule is subject-verb, not subject-comma-verb.

Equally bad

I was listening to the radio on the way to work when I heard a professor being interviewed about two writers. He stated that one wrote "equally as well" as the other.

Nope. Equally as well is redundant. What the good professor meant to say was that one wrote as well as the other or that they were equally good writers.

Like this:

• Emma and Sam are equally talented violinists.
• Emma is as talented as Sam.

Or:

• Jack is as tall as Michael.
• Jack and Michael are equally tall.

There's no need to pack the sentence with both equally and as. For clarity and precision, choose one or the other.

Word pairs still troublesome

Yesterday I received one of those "healthy living" magazines from a local hospital. It contained an article about rehydrating after exercise. The doctor is quoted as saying, "Follow a regular fluid regiment." Because the writer or the doctor (or both) chose the wrong word of a similar word pair, the sentence doesn't make sense.

A regiment is a military unit of two or more battalions. However, a regimen is a specially prescribed course, usually related to diet or exercise. And a regime is the government in power.

The embarrassment potential for misusing these words is high because many people know the difference between regimen and the other two. If you're confronted with a troublesome word pair or triplet, your best friend is a dictionary. These three words--regime, regimen, and regiment--follow each other, so it's easy to check which one to use.

It's all about design

How many times in the last seven days have you heard or read in an ad, on a Web site, or in business collateral, "Our product (or service) is designed to ..."

• Make your life easier
• Save you time or money
• Improve your relationships
• Make you more attractive
• Solve your problem

Well, I don't care what it was designed to do. Does it actually do it? If so, say so. "Our product..."

• Cuts your cooking time in half
• Reduces wrinkles 95 percent in three nanoseconds
• Makes it easy for you to pay yourself first

If something is only designed to do something, it sounds as if it might fail. And if it does, that's somehow the customer's fault. "Well, it was designed to work. You must have done something wrong."

"Designed to" gives you some wiggle room, to be sure, but it also plants doubt in the customer's mind. Be bold. If your product works, stop waffling and stake your claim.

Drop these. Their time has passed.

Have you noticed some expressions that are creeping toward serious overuse? Once they seep into the water we hear them constantly, and they begin to lose their power and punch. Look out for:

• "A perfect storm." What this appears to mean is that all conditions are lined up to create an inevitable result. You'll hear the expression now related to politics (Clinton-Obama), economics (the housing downturn), the stock market, the energy market. The list grows every day. Keep an ear cocked for this one, and think twice before using it. People are getting tired of it.
• "It is what it is. " Well, of course it is. How could it be anything else? But when you use this one in business, you don't sound professional. You sound like an aging hippie or a mystic--and you aren't communicating anything of value.

The next few posts

Colleagues around my office have been asking me a lot of usage questions lately, so I think I'll address some of them.

Let's start with pronouns.

Which is correct?

• Give the report to she and her boss.
• Give the report to her and her boss.

If you answered "she and her boss," you're making a mistake that's more and more common. No matter how common, however, it's wrong. It's a big, honking mistake, and you run the risk of sounding, how shall I put it, less capable than you probably are.

Without getting into the grammar of the situation, which involves the use of objective and subjective pronouns--and that can be a yawn--let's just look at the way to solve the problem.

Would you say, "Give the papers to she"? Probably not. Then don't say "she and her boss." If you wouldn't say it in the singular, don't say it in the plural.

Let's try another.

• Her and I are going skiing.
• She and I are going skiing.

Same test. Would you say "Her is going skiing"? No. So don't say it just because the subject is plural. I repeat, if you wouldn't say it in the singular, don't say it in the plural.

Simple. Here's a little rhyme to help you remember:

"When plural pronouns give you doubt.

Take one away; then try it out."

You'll speak and write more confidently--today.