I'm going to do it...finally

When I first started blogging, I said I was going to publicly recognize Web sites that place a premium on clarity. No buzz; no pretension; no coining of ugly, meaningless words. Just simple business stories told simply and precisely.

So today, I unveil the first winner of the Claritant Award.

The clearest Web site for the insurance industry is State Farm. Here's the company's mission statement:

"State Farm's mission is to help people manage the risks of everyday life, recover from the unexpected, and realize their dreams."

Beautiful. Not a buzzword to be found. No gobbledygook phrases. No bull. And the whole site is like that.

Thank you, State Farm. Whoever produced that writing deserves kudos and a raise. It sets you apart. Although many insurance companies do a nice job, including runner-up Liberty Mutual, some don't. I'm not going to tell you who they are. But you'll know them when you see them.

If you come across a Web site you think is especially clear and direct, let me know about it. It might win the Claritant. The business won't care, but it makes me feel better to recognize good writing in my own small way.

Why, Nationwide? Why?

Nationwide Insurance has fallen prey to linguistic trendiness. On my doorknob this morning I found a piece of litter placed there by my friendly neighborhood Nationwide agent. Nothing wrong with that; he's just doing his job. But this particular promotional literature trumpeted that Nationwide could save me "like $500" when I switch my car insurance.

Why would a good, solid company like Nationwide want to sound like a Valley girl? I'm like so thrilled they can like save me like $500, I'm going to like rush right over and call the agent like this minute!

This is not my first run-in with this particular silliness. Nationwide is using the same phrase on their television commercials, and it's equally annoying there. If the audience for auto insurance were teens, maybe this choice would make sense, but in general, it's adults who buy insurance, and I think it's a mistake to try to appeal to adults with teenspeak.

Now, if Nationwide has market research that tells me I'm all wet, then I'll slink away chagrined. But I doubt there's been a giant spike in their sales since they adopted one of the most irritating phrases in American English to hawk their wares. Who told them this was a good idea? And who bought it? It's not cool. Really.

This is part of what's wrong with American business

Variabilize. It's a new buzzword I just found today in an insurance executive's speech. He defined it on his slide, but that's the point. He had to define it because no one in the audience would have had the slightest idea what he meant by that idiotic word. Does it mean varying a product line? Seeking new markets? Varying the company's pricing scheme? Or something else?

In this case of this speech, it had something to do with variable cost structures. But it could mean anything. Or nothing. I'm opting for the latter. I'm sure there was a clear, concise way for the executive to make his point, but he missed the opportunity, coined a hideous new piece of gobbledygook, and no doubt, confused his audience, at least momentarily. But because the word came from a top exec, it will whiz through the company, and everyone will use it--or make up something worse, such as variabilizability or variabilization.

Wake up, business folks. No one has time for these verbal shenanigans anymore. Get back to doing what you do and telling us about it in plain English. Please.