This is part of what's wrong with American business

Variabilize. It's a new buzzword I just found today in an insurance executive's speech. He defined it on his slide, but that's the point. He had to define it because no one in the audience would have had the slightest idea what he meant by that idiotic word. Does it mean varying a product line? Seeking new markets? Varying the company's pricing scheme? Or something else?

In this case of this speech, it had something to do with variable cost structures. But it could mean anything. Or nothing. I'm opting for the latter. I'm sure there was a clear, concise way for the executive to make his point, but he missed the opportunity, coined a hideous new piece of gobbledygook, and no doubt, confused his audience, at least momentarily. But because the word came from a top exec, it will whiz through the company, and everyone will use it--or make up something worse, such as variabilizability or variabilization.

Wake up, business folks. No one has time for these verbal shenanigans anymore. Get back to doing what you do and telling us about it in plain English. Please.

Buzz costs time and money

I've been reading the annual reports of public companies these days, and I'm thinking of creating an award for corporate communicators who can write an entire business document that doesn't contain the word leverage (as a verb) or solution (where no problem has been identified)--or the truly awful solution as a verb: "We'll solution that issue after lunch."



If American business isn't competing as well as it once was, one of the reasons may be that American business can't communicate as well as it once did. Oh, we're wired, all right, and we're in constant contact, but that means only that words are flowing. It doesn't mean we're communicating. We're so busy working the latest buzzwords into our conversation, we've forgotten that words are supposed to move ideas from one brain to another, not waste our brain power as we try to decipher what our colleague just said.



My new favorite is landed on, which appears to mean something we decided or agreed to: "This is the design we landed on."



Yes, I know language changes; ginormous has just been added to the lexicon, after all, but too often business buzzwords are nothing more than attempts to create an in-group--a linguistic cool kids' table. But if we're to compete successfully, we need to leave adolescence behind and work together. Dropping the buzzwords would be a good first step.